Stripped Naked (….Based on a true story)

Having a chat(office ki bakar) with one of my Tamil friend, finally(don’t know how) we arrived at a topic of how we were punished when we were in kindergarten.
I mean you cant slap the child at that age,fearing that his head might chop off from his 20kg body. As far as I remember, i was told to kneel down, at max “papa ko call kar lete they” . My friend(the tamilian), revealed that when they crossed the line, they were stripped (NICKER UTAR DI JAATI THI…).

My jaws dropped …i was like…dude…mazaak kar raha hai na….you joking right???
Me : that’s almost molestation…your teacher is a pedophile…(He was offended more by the pedophile remark, rather than the molestation one!!!!)
Him : You don’t about schools in India, having spend half of your childhood abroad (he was referring to another third world country, where i have spend some time…), this is the norm here, its followed all across India.
Me : seriously..i mean…molestation…you ignorant bastard!!!! (he reminded me of Joeys family tailor-who touched his intimate parts to make pants…..)
Him : chill yaar…its normal in my school….all this molestation, sexual abuse are creations of the 21st century, before that logon ke dimak mein itni gandagi nahin thi….
Me : (thoda maze lene ka time aa gaya tha… ) How does it work??? I mean…tiffin nahin khaya (degree 1 punishment) …..chalo shirt utaro….you talk while the teacher is teaching(degree 2)…..chalo pant utaro…..didn’t do your homework….(degree3….mention karne ki zaruurat nahin…)
Me(again) : if the girls do something wrong???…unko bhi??
Him : naa..not to them.(contradicting his logon ke dimak mein gandagi nahin-nonsense)
Me : yaar this is partiality…unki to free ki pradershani ho gayi…(how lucky!!!!)
Him : (Frustrated)…What would you do???
My haryaniwi friend sitting next to me, insinuated himself into the now-heated discussion saying… I will pull off her saari and run away…
…and this went on for another 10-15 minutes…

As the news spread in the office corridors (thanks to me…), becoming the gossip of the week, you can very well imagine what must be going through his mind.

Quirks

Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you  -  Navdeep Jakhar
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know  they’ve been tagged.

Quirks:

1. I like studying. People find it odd, but thats the way I am.

2.  I hate sweets, again….i know its weird, so have dinner with me on Wednesdays..and get a free gulab jamun .

3. I hate sleeping…i find it strange….”lie on the bed, close your eyes and have a bunch of dreams for the next few hours”.

4. I have stage fear. Last time i was on stage, it was class 7, and i had go off-stage in between, because i wanted to pee   .

5. I am a highly insecure person. I want people reassuring  me from time to time, telling me that i am the best, even though I know I am .

6. I am a narcissist.

I tag Neelesh and  Deka (7. I like promoting budding bloggers)

Blah Blah Blah….

Was having a chat with a friend(girl)..after my bday….look at range of questions asked….

kaisa hua birthday?
kahan gaye?
kya kiya?
kitne log they?
(yahan tak to sab kuch theek tha….then)
usme kitne ladke they?
unhone kya gift diya….?
phir tumne return gift kya diya? (@#$%^…WTF!!!)
cousins/relatives parents ke saath kaise celebrate kiya?
parents ne kya gift diya?
(told her…got cash (my mistake))
her: acha…kahan pe shopping karoge?…south ex mat jaana wahan pe kaphi costly hai…(didnt even ask!!!)
cake kata (sigh….. )?
cake pe saari 21 candles….???
(i said yes…(bolne mein kya jaa raha hai…..another mistake ) )
her reply : “omg!!!..kitna badha cake hoga…”
(me (frustated) : problem hai kya… )
her : “nahin…soch rahi huun…banane mein kitni mehnat lagi hogi….”

and this went on for another 10-15 minutes….
moral of the day : dont come online for atleast a week after your bday….

Those were the days…

long since i wrote my last blog…
well those were the days…

when i had no cat tension..no gre tension…
those were the days…when btp was just another course….
those were the days…when i was not rejected by PWC and IBM…
those were the days when itc,reliance and nvidia were coming for placements…
those were days..when there was no 26/11…
those were the days when the memories of my internship were still fresh….
those were the days when i thought cpi was really the “only” thing to get a job….
it was really later when i realised that….aptitude and team work..is the “only” thing required…
those were the days…when ganguly and kumble were in the indian cricket team….
those were the days…..when the movie “rab ne bana di jodi” (apparently rab’s greatest mistake ) was not released

but i guess those were the days when i realised..writing crap  daily won’t take me anywhere….it is only days like this..when the lord bestows some sense into me..

P.S :  Merry Christmas

How To get Your Blog up and Running??

After a period of lull, and being mocked at by peers in someone’s blog page , the so called “lord of Blogging” is back, and this time he is being modest, has some knowledge to share with the “aam junta”.

For quite some time most of my friends have being wondering, how is that this asshole, after a very bad writing, constant spelling and grammatical mistakes, and making very contrived attempts at humor, manages to get such a huge response, from his blog.Here is the secret to my “successful venture”, you can thank me later

1. It has nothing to do with the content of the blog, a good marketing strategy is what that matters (at least in my case) .
2. “Controversial Content” in a post, followed by juicy comments is an instant hit. People of the opposite sexes fighting can make a post really successful. Feasting on some one else’s demise is what a successful blogger should follow.
3. Most of the time nonsense will do. Now nonsense can range from writing about a “discussing on cow shitting” near a canteen or something related to what we are thinking.
4. Mixing words of different languages, and spelling them out incorrectly has been observed to be a hit, but personally if you ask me, i find them irritating and annoying.
5. Writing about some socio-economic topics, once in a while, is something that ensures regular readers (and the material is also easily available on the net….so no thinking and only  manipulative techniques are required).
6. Cheap publicity, including scrapping your blog-page link to everyone in your friend list…..or logging into more then one gtalk account simultaneous and having your blog page pasted on the status message for more then a week is what a desperate blogger can do.
7. Coalition is the new success, collaborate with me, get your Blog page link at the top of the right column of my blog page and 500 clicks a day is ensured!!! And that to free of cost.

P.S : Time of publish of a blog is important, how do you expect to get a good response if you are publishing it during the exams!!!!

What are you thinking?

Dutta : bus 2 saal mein aur and i would be in 4th year…abhi apne guitar lessons pe dhyaan deta huun….
birju: kaash ISIC pe koi age limit nahin hoti
shankkar: is baar HIV. ?????
deka: i would keep up the threshold of 70 movies per semester….like the previous ones…and no more nominations for departmental positions…..
deepanshu: neelesh ya bahl…kisko luun..btp partner….leave both……i think …mantha best option hoga….
myself: yaar….is baar pakka…dr1 mein hi huun….
jatiya: is baar ka best singer at manthan ….kaphi reyaaz kiya hai…intern pe….singing career revive karne ka time aa gaya hai…
dexter: bas thodi aur height bhagwaan…..atleast juhi se to lamba ho jaun…
jhansi: bas 1-2 aur coaching institute mil jaye…..meri to life set hai…
meerut: first crush jatiya…second crush suhas….is baar pakka bandi dhund launga…
nimish: kaunse color ka pen use karuun????….red,blue orange,black white, majenta,purple….sab to ho gaya hain…..
palu: agar is baar deka ne kuch bola…….saala marega mere haathoon….
bond : yaar…infosys mein job lag gayi….bataun ki nahin?….
circuit: ghissu ko blog likhne ke alawa koi kaam nahin….ZPL jaise creative things kyun nahin karta hai yeh…???
parashar: saala sharda….2 saal se maa-behen ek kar rakha hai…is baar CAT mein dikha dunga usse…kaphi practice kari hai..holidays mein….
pande: …..oye sharda ne blog likha….mein bhi likhta huun ab….

How Cheap can you get…..?

This is a conversation between a person and a Iitian, who is curious about how they manage to visit who Europe with less stipend

Person : Beta, how do manage to see Europe with such a less stipend?  Iitian(trying his best not to flaunt… ) : Its easy, we just cut our expenses in food, traveling, accommodation, site seeing, etc.

Person(a bit puzzled.. ): how? elaborate….say regarding acco? where do you stay at night?
Iitian: Well….airports and railway stations are our home, airports are the best, they are safe..coz you need a passport and ticket to enter and are also air conditioned. Free toilets are also available at the airport…unlike the railways…where you have to pay for the WC’s…but we can(actually we do…) use the toilets of the trains standing on the platform. Heritage site is also a good option, spending the night under the Eiffel or near the Colloseum is not a bad idea!!!

Person: And do you see all the places in a particular city?
Iitian(shamelessly…. ): No not at all, on those which are really famous and those which are free….”rest bahaar se photo le letein hain…“

Person : And i guess you must be taking guided tours there..to know about the place…
Iitian : ” Vo jaan ke kya karenge….”… photo lo aur niklo…..important point is that we see the place, take pics and in time put them on orkut…for people to see and comment……who the hell cares why the Colloseum is broken….or what’s the history behind some painting and sculptures…

Person(#$%&*@/….WTF!!!) : How do you manage your food and water…??
Iitian: Bread and jam is our food(for most of the time)….and water..we carry water bottles all the time…..

Person: but liquids are not allowed on planes…?
Iitian : Do you think i am stupid …..carry an empty bottle…fill it from the toilets of the destination….until unless its not mentioned the water is usually drinkable….

Person: Any more suggestions…..
Iitian : Well…i would like my readers to do that…….

P.S: before you get all judgemental on how cheap i am…i would like to say that…these experiences are not of my own….but of a collective group of iitians who have been in touch with me…..thanks for sharing your experiences…

Daily recipe

My morning starts with shutting down the alarm on my lappy. It’s a very irritating song of Raghu Dixshit in which he starts of yelling every 8a.m in the morning disturbing my late night sleep. Unlike the first month, where I used to get up as a diligent student and get ready for some office work, but due course into my internship I found out that there is no strictness about the timing schedule and hence my  early morning slowly drifted towards 10a.m.

After waking up, with a bit of shameless guilt I always promise myself to be on time the next day, and the day kicks off with breakfast (milk, bread, sometimes upma and maggi…the usual stuff) and I reach the office by 11. All the intern students in my department have been given a separate room, so the radio is the first thing i open up, followed by the usuals….gtalk, orkut, facebook, TOI…etc.

After one hour of trying what the prof has told me to do….frustrated me…shifts me attention to planning out my weekends and hence I have been a regular customer of skyeurope, ryanair, bahn.de , wiki travel, google maps. As the time passes by me, chatting and googling around, the clock ticks 2 when I decide to head back to the apartment for lunch and if possible a short siesta. Before leaving I sign out from unwanted sites…but I just keep my matlab window on..with some code(in running condition….) that  my prof gave me on the day i met him and with a note….”SIMULATION GOING ON…DND” and i make sure to spread out some print outs and registers on the table so as to give an impression that something important is cooking up.

Back to office till 3:30 I spend the rest of the planning what to do after office time. plans usually hop around from visiting fan zones, discovering cheap places  to eat….which is then confirmed with my fellow interns on gtalk…….but we usually end up in our own apartments. Bird watching from my room’s window…..checking out orkut albums, naughty videos on you tube is also a good option, but in order to maintain some decency in the department..it is exercised only when nothing else crops up…

With no stringent timing requirments….5:30 seems to be a decent time to walk out of the office so…..with a few bbyes, head phones over my ears….and with a sigh of relief….i head straight back to my apartment….where the unlimited, free supply of net… keeps me going through the rest of the day…….

Survival of the Flirtiest

This blog is for to those “fit” people who survived mid sems, the eye flu break out and the drastically changing climate in the campus. The author, as fit as before would try to accentuate some important points of the flirting world.

Looking at the history point of view….the term “Survival of the fittest” was first framed by a economist Herbert Spencer trying to stress the fact that only those industries survive which adapt better, perform better…blah blah blah…..drawing an analogy with Darwin’s theory of evolution.

Darwin after studying millions of years of human evolution concluded that our behavior have evolutionary purposes. We tend to act in a way which helps in survival. Flirting with the opposite sex, spending time with them, hooking up, producing babies (basically leading to the survival of the flirtiest) is in our genetic code. We are programmed to do it in order to evolve in a superior race. Evolution has made us an expert in this field. At this age we are filled with hormones. The ability to make the opposite sex attract is is already sowed into us. It is just the fear inside which is suppressing it.

What are we afraid of? Why are we so shy? Is it only because of the fear of rejection, embarrassment, making a fool of oneself in front of others or just ego problem of being a superior sex. I do agree that these are big, hefty terms but it is something which we have to get over. Look at it in a different way…..You are “just” asking someone out on a date. A “yes” could mean a lot of things and its worth risking a slap on the face.

Fittest and flirtiest is quite similar to the “gene and meme” duo. While for the latter combination the meme is considered to be superior the same thing goes for the formal one. Fittest can finally extinct out but the flirty one will at least have a (…or several….. ) blood line. So go out start dating(atleast start talking—>>for ECE-05)…or remain in your room and start writing crap like i am doing right now.