Stripped Naked (….Based on a true story)

Having a chat(office ki bakar) with one of my Tamil friend, finally(don’t know how) we arrived at a topic of how we were punished when we were in kindergarten.
I mean you cant slap the child at that age,fearing that his head might chop off from his 20kg body. As far as I remember, i was told to kneel down, at max “papa ko call kar lete they” . My friend(the tamilian), revealed that when they crossed the line, they were stripped (NICKER UTAR DI JAATI THI…).

My jaws dropped …i was like…dude…mazaak kar raha hai na….you joking right???
Me : that’s almost molestation…your teacher is a pedophile…(He was offended more by the pedophile remark, rather than the molestation one!!!!)
Him : You don’t about schools in India, having spend half of your childhood abroad (he was referring to another third world country, where i have spend some time…), this is the norm here, its followed all across India.
Me : seriously..i mean…molestation…you ignorant bastard!!!! (he reminded me of Joeys family tailor-who touched his intimate parts to make pants…..)
Him : chill yaar…its normal in my school….all this molestation, sexual abuse are creations of the 21st century, before that logon ke dimak mein itni gandagi nahin thi….
Me : (thoda maze lene ka time aa gaya tha… ) How does it work??? I mean…tiffin nahin khaya (degree 1 punishment) …..chalo shirt utaro….you talk while the teacher is teaching(degree 2)…..chalo pant utaro…..didn’t do your homework….(degree3….mention karne ki zaruurat nahin…)
Me(again) : if the girls do something wrong???…unko bhi??
Him : naa..not to them.(contradicting his logon ke dimak mein gandagi nahin-nonsense)
Me : yaar this is partiality…unki to free ki pradershani ho gayi…(how lucky!!!!)
Him : (Frustrated)…What would you do???
My haryaniwi friend sitting next to me, insinuated himself into the now-heated discussion saying… I will pull off her saari and run away…
…and this went on for another 10-15 minutes…

As the news spread in the office corridors (thanks to me…), becoming the gossip of the week, you can very well imagine what must be going through his mind.

Another Indian Soap opera….

The Kasab trial has gone the soap opera way…there have been the emotions, the heated arguments, the confessions, then retracting back from them….the misbehavior from the lawyer…and what not. Caught more than a year back, the law is YET to convict him. Crores have been spend on him and still no result. What crap !!!! The Headley trial started way later and has gone half way through.

To the Judicial system:

insaan ko chand par pahuchne mein itna time nahin laga tha, jitna tum ispar lag chuke ho…Baith ke hila rahe ho kya???????

And now he says, he came to Mumbai to look for a job in Bollywood. He had come to dance around with Katrina Kaif and priyanka chopra, and the police killed his look alike and arrested him instead.

I say…I believe him…let him free…it will save his time, our time, his lawyer’s time…and some tax payers money. Once he is out on the streets searching for a job in the film industry…the public will take care of him.

If it takes more than a year to prosecute a person against whom  we have 200 odd witnesses, a video footage, inputs from the FBI and what not, how long will it take to punish an ominous mob of couple of hundreds who would kick the crap out of him.

Metamorphosis

Time changes – so do you…many things change when you move from the college to the office:

1. Project Managers have replaced profs….now you get a “I-am-the-one-who-decides-your-salary” smile to the previous “Do-whatever-you-want-I-decide-your-grades” snort.
2. You start speaking one-liners like “Have a nice weekend”, “how was your day”, “hope you enjoyed your holiday” …all of these allude to the fact that you have nothing else to talk about + I don’t like your face and so please leave me alone.
3. {The toughest one!!!} Getting up on time daily….and either start having a bath daily…or start investing heavily on deodorants…
4. Memorize infinite number of passwords…there is a password for every thing….using your computer, using the LAN…using the lab…knowing your salary details…filling up the timesheets…{going to the toilet!!!}…what not…
5. And for some people…your “close ones” starts asking your salary details…after which they try to hook you up with some distant x-y-z friend’s daughter….

However, some things never change….I still can’t show the finger to my manager/professor….I still have to take orders from inferior people…..and whether it is high grades or low salary adding a small amount to it the very next year…doesn’t make much of a difference. I still don’t talk to girls, nor do they talk to me…in fact I hardly find them here, in this part of the country. Last but not the least…I still commit spelling/grammatical mistakes….and i am still grateful to my peers {Navdeep Jakhar in particular}….who have nothing
else to do…except to point them out.

P.S : One thing has surely changed…i have started to like TAMIL-hip-hop songs :

Dilli-Assam-Tamil Nadu

I know i have lived my life as a nomad…but i never expected to come deep south…to the other india….the darker india..the quieter india…the conservative india
….For someone like me who wanted to stay in a metro….this{”coimbatore”} surely isn’t the place to be…I first realised it during my delhi-hyderabad-coimbatore flight…when all the good ones got down at hyderabad….and what remained simply reminded me of my iit-experience{no offence to anyone}. People hear are different…they wear different clothes…they look different…they speak….I DON’T KNOW WHAT….but its different….the actors are different…and the films are “hilariously stupid” {watch “quick gun murugun” for details}.

Language is just one problem to start with…while there is always a doubt in your mind that the madrasi knows/understands hindi, you can’t never make fun of  him in front of them….however the reverse is always true…they love to speak tamil in front of me…well knowing that I can’t understand a bit of it. Its tamil advantage all over…the auto waalas, add a zero in their rates once they hear us speaking english or hindi…. The actors here make me feel that, with a bushy moustache…towel around my neck,  10 rupee sunglass and a dhoti below, even I can become one.

The women over here{except for a few exceptions…as always}are covered from top to bottom…{and its better that way..you really don’t want to see whats in the inside…}. They also have a gajra around on their hairs…whose smell is really nauseating…men prefer wearing a dhoti over a jeans….along with large amount of jewelleries..{4 rings per hand, on a average}..with the top button of the shirt open…and hardly you will find anyone without a moustache…plus they are dam rich…ferraris and convertible BMWs is common in this town..you will burn with jealousy when you when see them driving in their lungot …{dekh kar jal jaati hai!!!!}…

However..being said this…people here ..irrespective of their looks..are simple…and are satisfied with their tranquil life…you will never find them in a hurry…its not a rat-race situation here. They don’t show off…unlike people in dilli-haryana-punjab do….these are some of the things i would like to pick up…during my brief stint over here…but I just hope it wont be long….too much dosa-idly-samber is gonna kill me….

Quirks

Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you  -  Navdeep Jakhar
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know  they’ve been tagged.

Quirks:

1. I like studying. People find it odd, but thats the way I am.

2.  I hate sweets, again….i know its weird, so have dinner with me on Wednesdays..and get a free gulab jamun .

3. I hate sleeping…i find it strange….”lie on the bed, close your eyes and have a bunch of dreams for the next few hours”.

4. I have stage fear. Last time i was on stage, it was class 7, and i had go off-stage in between, because i wanted to pee   .

5. I am a highly insecure person. I want people reassuring  me from time to time, telling me that i am the best, even though I know I am .

6. I am a narcissist.

I tag Neelesh and  Deka (7. I like promoting budding bloggers)

Blah Blah Blah….

Was having a chat with a friend(girl)..after my bday….look at range of questions asked….

kaisa hua birthday?
kahan gaye?
kya kiya?
kitne log they?
(yahan tak to sab kuch theek tha….then)
usme kitne ladke they?
unhone kya gift diya….?
phir tumne return gift kya diya? (@#$%^…WTF!!!)
cousins/relatives parents ke saath kaise celebrate kiya?
parents ne kya gift diya?
(told her…got cash (my mistake))
her: acha…kahan pe shopping karoge?…south ex mat jaana wahan pe kaphi costly hai…(didnt even ask!!!)
cake kata (sigh….. )?
cake pe saari 21 candles….???
(i said yes…(bolne mein kya jaa raha hai…..another mistake ) )
her reply : “omg!!!..kitna badha cake hoga…”
(me (frustated) : problem hai kya… )
her : “nahin…soch rahi huun…banane mein kitni mehnat lagi hogi….”

and this went on for another 10-15 minutes….
moral of the day : dont come online for atleast a week after your bday….

26

a really small post…i was just going back in history….looks like this date has proved to be destructive for mankind.

26th Jaunary : Gujrat Earth quake (2001)
26th April : Nuclear disaster in Chernobyl (1986)
26th Nov : terrorist hit mumbai posh area (2008)
26th dec : tsunami(2004)

Those were the days…

long since i wrote my last blog…
well those were the days…

when i had no cat tension..no gre tension…
those were the days…when btp was just another course….
those were the days…when i was not rejected by PWC and IBM…
those were the days when itc,reliance and nvidia were coming for placements…
those were days..when there was no 26/11…
those were the days when the memories of my internship were still fresh….
those were the days when i thought cpi was really the “only” thing to get a job….
it was really later when i realised that….aptitude and team work..is the “only” thing required…
those were the days…when ganguly and kumble were in the indian cricket team….
those were the days…..when the movie “rab ne bana di jodi” (apparently rab’s greatest mistake ) was not released

but i guess those were the days when i realised..writing crap  daily won’t take me anywhere….it is only days like this..when the lord bestows some sense into me..

P.S :  Merry Christmas

Speechless…..

I was walking in the busy streets of south ex…when i bumped into someone…i did hear the sound of shopping bags falling down…and so i turned around to help……it was a girl….she had bend over to pick up her bags…and to give in a helping hand….so did i…..i tried to see her face….but it was hid by her hairs….i called out…”excuse me lady….”and with a flick of her head…..brushing aside her hairs see responded “yes??”…..man!!! that’s what you call beauty…..pure beauty……looked like an angel……couldn’t get my eyes of her…..i was simply ogling at her…while see was just looking at me…..it was only for a moment that we had eye contact…..but it seemed like ages….as if time had stopped….my ears had gone deaf….there seemed silence all around….except for a guitar playing somewhere around…or in my head…. but apart from that it was only me and her….seemed as if the whole earth had concentrated their energy around us….the wind was gently breezing….thru her hairs….which flew across her pink chubby dimpled-cheeks which were then gently forced behind here ears.. Her eyes filled with a mixture of innocence…and love…her lips….red as a cherry….. her smile had made the moment more mesmerizing than it actually was….i wanted to say something….anything……..but dam it!!! nothing was coming out…..i guess the pleasure of watching her had overcome my ability to speak…she left saying thanks…and goodbye….leaving behind her scent….so invigorating ..making me to wish that it stays with me forever…….

How To get Your Blog up and Running??

After a period of lull, and being mocked at by peers in someone’s blog page , the so called “lord of Blogging” is back, and this time he is being modest, has some knowledge to share with the “aam junta”.

For quite some time most of my friends have being wondering, how is that this asshole, after a very bad writing, constant spelling and grammatical mistakes, and making very contrived attempts at humor, manages to get such a huge response, from his blog.Here is the secret to my “successful venture”, you can thank me later

1. It has nothing to do with the content of the blog, a good marketing strategy is what that matters (at least in my case) .
2. “Controversial Content” in a post, followed by juicy comments is an instant hit. People of the opposite sexes fighting can make a post really successful. Feasting on some one else’s demise is what a successful blogger should follow.
3. Most of the time nonsense will do. Now nonsense can range from writing about a “discussing on cow shitting” near a canteen or something related to what we are thinking.
4. Mixing words of different languages, and spelling them out incorrectly has been observed to be a hit, but personally if you ask me, i find them irritating and annoying.
5. Writing about some socio-economic topics, once in a while, is something that ensures regular readers (and the material is also easily available on the net….so no thinking and only  manipulative techniques are required).
6. Cheap publicity, including scrapping your blog-page link to everyone in your friend list…..or logging into more then one gtalk account simultaneous and having your blog page pasted on the status message for more then a week is what a desperate blogger can do.
7. Coalition is the new success, collaborate with me, get your Blog page link at the top of the right column of my blog page and 500 clicks a day is ensured!!! And that to free of cost.

P.S : Time of publish of a blog is important, how do you expect to get a good response if you are publishing it during the exams!!!!